STOP BITCHING AND JUST COPY/PASTE.

I hope no one else reads this (namely: my parents [they do]) because it's getting ridiculous.

1. http://coketalk.tumblr.com/post/129806291

Jasper, Rusty, and I dumpster dove REI and Whole Foods the other week in hopes of getting free stuff. I swear, that's it. I love wastefulness. Sometimes, I buy things just to throw them out. I wrap my plastic wrap in plastic wrap.

2. http://www.markusrothkranz.com/markus_rothkrana.html

Web page from a raw foodist. Look at Markus' bio. Now do you understand why we even attempted this?

3. In short, "The appeal of raw veganism lies in its adherence to frivolous rules, its celebrity following, and its promiscuous deployment of the phrase 'glowing skin'. The promise of 'glowing skin' is enough to ensnare me in any cult."

Molly Young. http://thisrecording.com/today/2009/9/17/in-which-we-change-all-the-rules-about-food.html. (1, para. 11). 200?, APA, MLA, W/E.

FINE.

Shit happened in the last few weeks but I'm too important to remember things.

We did go out last night. We were the talk of the town, blahblahblah, the usual. Candy talked to some old guy in suspenders for a while, and get this: it wasn't Larry King! Turns out he was a bondage photographer. FUBARRR.

Also, apparently there was a shooting (or some sort of altercation? imnotareporterok) at the Loop and Candy thinks white people will stop going there. GOOD. As the only white chick, my chances of being boned by an "urban" man are sky high. In the immortal words of Rusty and I, "If you're a black man and I wouldn't fuck you... You're doing it wrong."

NOTE: see what I did there? I made a snarky snark on people who think they can get away with using "urban", "inner city", or "African American" [wtf?] to describe anyone with a skin pigment you wouldn't see in Twilight. I bet people like that get a minor brain hemorrhage when they meet a black person from West County. Ffffffuck.

Anyway, I'll have to hold onto my dreams for another day because this white flight ain't taking off as long as there's still FroYo.

Slackers

Still nothing from my lazzzzzzy sibs....so lame.

Going vegan tomorrow, kind of excited. Good thing I love rice.

Von Fat

Just because we failed at the raw food diet doesn't mean we have to also fail at posting on our blog.....

I wanted to write about the title of Von Fat, recently bestowed upon me by my lovely sibs. Although humiliating, I do think that it is giving me more motivation than ever to starve myself which is really great. Just a few more meals to throw up and the title will be passed on I'm sure, probably to Jasper who devoured a WHOLE Toby last night.....so disgusting. I would never eat that shit.

We had some very quality family time last night, all four of us. Went to a few bars, tore up the dance floor at Upstairs Lounge, and ended at the Buttery of course. Will be missing the family this weekend; Jasper is in Chicago, and Rusty and Sookie are at alumni weekend at Lakewood. I'm planning to buy an inner-tube (which hopefully won't pop!) and float down some river tomorrow which should be entertaining. Wish me luck. Throw some salt over your left shoulder for me. Works every time.

Creamy corn chowder.

Creamy Corn Chowder

Ingredients

• 2.5 cups filtered water
• 3 cups corn, off the cob
• 1/2 cup avocado, mashed
• 1/4 cup celery, chopped
• 1/4 cup yellow onion, chopped
• 1 TB nama shoyu
• 1 tsp. ginger, minced
• 1 tsp. garlic, minced
• 1/2 tsp. sea salt
• 1/2 tsp. jalapeño pepper
• 1/4 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
• 1/4 tsp. nutritional yeast
  
• pinch cayenne
• 2 tsp. fresh cilantro, minced
• 1/2 cup red bell pepper, diced

Directions

1. Place water, corn, avocado, celery, onion, nama shoyu, ginger, garlic, salt, jalapeño pepper, black pepper, nutritional yeast, cayenne, cilantro, and red bell pepper in a blender and blend on high for 30 seconds or until smooth.

2. Pour into bowls. If desired, cilantro and red bell pepper can be used to garnish the soup as opposed to putting them in the blender with the other ingredients. Serve immediately. Soup should keep for 2-3 days.

The Fame

Now that the Von Tramps are really beginning to catch some major spot light, I am thinking a little R & R is just what I need. So after I get my hair cut, I will be spending the evening with my two sisters and my baby niece in Chesterfield! People: yes, location: not so much. For all of those Non Tramps that are worried that I might not survive on a raw diet in the county land where Chevys, Applebees, and TGI Fridays thrive... rest assure that I have already packed a meal including all of the wonderful foods you see below!

Peace bitches, next time you see me I'll be a spitting image of Ryan Kwanten... so try to contain yourselves.

Redrum

This morning, as I tried to get the food processor of the highest shelf of the pantry, the BLADE fell onto my foot. The thing is shaped like a propeller, and it must have been whirling around as it fell, because I got a nasty gash on my ankle and on my ring toe (the one closest to the pinky - what the fuck do you call it?).

There was blood everywhere. I wish I had pictures but when I woke up Rusty, he said the camera was out of batteries. I suspect it's because he spent all night taking longarm pics of himself in bed. Slut.

Anyway, I administered first aid and was going to rush out to buy Mederma and Cocoa Butter (I take great pride in my long, slender feet and fat-free ankles. They probably both rank among my top 20 body parts.), but then I realized that wounds, injuries, and infections are so utterly Von Tramp.

I hope to post pictures at some point, but unfortunately it's a bit late to capture the gore. Candy read my mind when she suggested re-opening the wounds, but I don't think my weakened body could handle any more blood loss.

P.S. No, I will not start wearing shoes. I'm WAY too raw for that.

I was raw-ng. Raw food is awesome.

Dear friends,

These past few days have been a roller coaster of emotions for the Von Tramps. Yesterday morning, Sookie and I decided to return to the raw food fold. Several factors influenced this decision... First, the shit I took after eating Imo's pizza was probably the worst shit I've ever had in my life. Second, after doing groceries yesterday with Candy and Jasper and realizing that we're going to do this whole 'raw food' thing a little better than we had been, I decided I'm totally in. I'm not going to argue whether or not this is a good idea, or whether or not veganism is a better idea. All I know is, I feel raw (read: skinny) as fuck and I love it. Yesterday we spent the entire day preparing, thinking about, and consuming food... Except for when we went to the Sex and the City 2 premiere. And I'm OK with that. Here are pictures of our journey:

Jasper and Candy strain our almond milk.

Mmm... Breakfast of champions!

Creamy corn chowder! Recipe to come.

These are the ingredients for our nut loaf, pre-food-processor. Fucking. Awesome.

Candy spreads the blended nut loaf on a dehydrating tray.

Sookie prepares fruits to be dehydrated.

Self-sacrifice

The Von Tramps attended the premier of Sex and the City 2 last night (quite amusing but far too long) and had one of our latest nights in quite a while...we stayed out until 2:30. That's right, 2:30. It was pretty wild. Anyways, despite exhaustion, I still sacrificed the recommended solid 7-8 hours of sleep to get up at 5am and flip our nut loaf in the dehydrator. I must say it is looking and smelling divine, and will be ready in 2 hours!!! We are also dehydrating bananas and apple-slices with cinnamon. Very exciting.

Our nut loaf:

Ingredients in the nut loaf: walnuts, sunflower seeds, ground flax meal, carrots, celery, yellow onion, olive oil, water, nutritional yeast, salt, pepper, and marjoram (that is from memory so might not be complete)

In other news, on our way home from the premiere we were recognized in public for the first time by a car full of boys. And so it begins.....

Hummus: Raw and still living.

Great dip for any veggie, and soooo filling! Kiss the days of hunger goodbye, Candy and I are on a roll!

Ingredients -

• 2 zucchini
• Extra virgin olive oil
• 5 garlic cloves
• Sea Salt
• Sesame seeds
• Tahini
• Paprika
• Fresh parsley
• Cumin
• Black pepper
• Fresh red pepper
• Crushed red pepper (optional)

Directions -

• Chop Zucchini and red pepper
• Mince the garlic cloves and fresh parsley

Blend:

(in a high-speed blender)

• 2 chopped zucchini
• 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
• 5 cloves of garlic

Once these three ingredients are blended well, add your remaining ingredients and continue to blend until desired consistency is obtained.

• 1 tsp sea salt
• 3/4 cup sesame seeds
• 3/4 cup tahini
• 1/2 tsp paprika
• 1 tsp fresh minced parsley
• 1 tsp cumin
• 3/4 tsp black pepper
• 1 whole red pepper.
• depending on your taste for spicy food, and desired amount of crushed red pepper.

We hope you enjoy this recipe! The whole Von Tramp family will be meeting today to whip up some new recipes, so stay posted for more raw (as fuck) dishes!